Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Sigh...Breakups suck

Just to interject in my story, the biggest thing that hurts about this whole thing is that the girl I was courting at the church ended our relationship because I was leaving.

Now turning from that for a quick second, I talked more with leadership and they agreed that some things that I experienced in the church were out of order and they needed to inform members better about how things should be in operation. For one, I thought they believed that a true believer could lose their salvation...they don't. Second, they agreed that some of the gifts that were being displayed were in the flesh at times. Me and two other people who are leaving for the same reasons are planning to have a meeting so we can talk and make sure on what we believe and to make sure that we are leaving for the right reasons and that there is error going on. All I have to go on is my experiences and what the Word says, and a lot of stuff didn't line up with the Word.

Anyways as I stated above, the girl I was courting ended our relationship because I left which seems odd to me. I'm still a believer in Christ, she's still a believer in Christ, our personalities clicked, and we have a great friendship base...what is the problem?

I talked to her and she said that she felt because I was leaving, we weren't under the same church covenant or something like that. Now this type of talk sounds like some stories I've read of the Mormon Church where marriages have literally been broken up because one spouse decided to leave the Mormon Church. Now that's an extreme, but in the body of true believers, where does it says in the bible that two believers in Christ have to go to the same church? But she's under that impression. I also talked exclusively to the leadership of the church and they specifically told me that they don't say or believe that whoever goes to the church has to marry inside the church...that is a classic cult mindset if a church does. So I wonder where she is getting this from. I mean it's good in the sense that she said she is going to use this whole year to read her Word more and make her prayer life better because she said she needed to work on it, but like I said...I haven't abandoned God, and I wouldn't have shunned her from attending the church if she desired. I mean if we are both headed in the same direction, towards Christ, and there were no other problems in our relationship, what's the problem...end it over a church?

All in all, I figure, I know what I had to do and she said be honest and I was. Some of the things that I experienced in that church really messed with me, but now I'm finding out that my pastor agrees with some of the things I have talked about when I thought he didn't (I assumed, so it is my fault). We will see how the meeting goes whenever that happens. In terms of the ex relationship, I mean it hurts because she didn't end it over me or something about me like I changed or something. And if someone in the ministry talks to her, then fine...I just have to try to accept it and move on. It's just so hard to find a true believer seeking after God these days!! Who you also have to be compatible with, etc. But I trust that as I continue to seek God, stay in His Word, and pray, God will send a righteous woman my way when I least expect it, whether it be this current one if she decides to try to reconcile, or someone else (may be right under my nose). But I won't be actively keeping my eyes open for at least a little while. Breakups suck.

See ya.


Anonymous said...

Well Laidback Christian, I think you're on the right track. Keep focused on the Lord. He knows what is right for you and if this gal realizes how lucky she is, she'll be back. If not, God has someone in store for you... it may be he's not done preparing her (or you) in order to have you meet yet. I just wrote in my blog the other night about single issues. I've been there done that... 11 plus years. But you're right in not "looking" immediately. You'll happen upon her at the right time. Blessings, Esther

Anonymous said...

It's entirely possible that I have way too many opinions on this topic, but it sounds like a situation similar to my own. In the first church my family went to, things got pretty far off track in about a five year timeframe. 25 years later, I sat down with the daughter of the pastor of this church (one that people were leaving in droves). I questioned her about some things that went on (or were allowed to go on) and she assured me that her father (the pastor) was not in agreement with those things. And my point to her was that he allowed them and didn't maintain some semblance of order and biblical protocol. That seemed to create an environment where about anything goes and consequently, people got off on all kinds of strange things unchecked.
I didn't know it then, and can only say this looking back. There were many, many erroneous beliefs held by the people that were in no-wise biblical. It was more a matter of "that's what I feel God is telling me"...with little concern for whether it was scriptural. I hope you can sort everything out and that God gives you some real clarity in your thinking for this decision.

Nathan Alterton said...

Sorry to hear about. However, it sounds like you have your head on straight, so you'll make it through alright.

Just one comment. My approach to Christian doctrine has always been to find out what is essential; everything else may be interesting and helpful, but not mandatory. I have come to realize that the loss-of-salvation issue is an in-house Christian debate. I know Christians on both sides of this issue that can make good, Biblical arguments in favor of their position.

Think about this scenario: a man grows up in a Christian home, attends seminary, pastors a church for 15 years, and then rejects God and becomes an atheist (I'm actually thinking of a specific person in this example; you probably know a few people like this yourself). Does this man have salvation? Most Christians would say no. The Christian who believes that you can't lose your salvation would say that he was never saved to begin with. The one who does believe that salvation can be lost would say that he rejected his salvation. Which is right? Personally, I don't know, but the end results are the same.

The problems start at the extreme edges of both these views. I know once-saved-always-saved Christians who claim that a person who has lived as an atheist his entire adult life still has salvation because he prayed "The Prayer" when he was a child. I think this clearly goes against scripture.

On the other side of the spectrum, I know Christians who believe that every time we sin we lose our salvation until we offer God repentance for that specific offense. I think this is also unbiblical and wrong.

That said, within the boundaries of those two extremes is an area where Biblically based followers of Jesus can (and do)disagree.

I know that was off-topic, but I think we lose a lot when we make too much of disagreements on non-essential issues. Obviously, there are (many) cases when non-essentials are made so much of that they inhibit the essentials of Christianity. It sounds like you've been dealing with this exact problem at your (former) church. I've been to some churches where so much was made of the Book of Revelation and the supposed near fulfillment of that book that the essentials of Jesus Christ (and Him crucified) were lost. Even if I agreed with their take on eschatology (I didn't) I would have found it impossible to stay there.

Anyway, like I said before, you sound like you've got your head on straight. Look forward to reading the rest of your posts.