Saturday, September 27, 2008

I've left my church pt.3


So after I've manifested "tongues", I continue to speak in them for the next 3 or 4 hours. I had never understood the gift of tongues and their purpose in the church, all I knew is that it was in the bible in the book of Acts, and we all want to get back to being a church that exemplifies what the church of Acts was all about right?

A few other people including two of my closest brothers in Christ, one of them being the brother I told you all about in my "Feeling better post" who have also left the ministry, also began speaking in tongues as well. So everybody who has manifested "tongues" is admonished to continue speaking until they prayed for everybody else to get the same gift. Not everybody started speaking in the tongues which I think I stated before, they highly admonished us to speak in tongues, but you weren't going to be looked down upon if you didn't.

Also came the laying on of hands for people to fall down under the spirit. I was the first to be prayed for and even though again I felt absolutely nothing....I fell. Looking back on it many times, afterwards especially during this summer, I had to repent because I was being so fake and I felt less of myself for being persuaded to do that.

Afterwards when everything had settled down, people were laid out all over the room, crying, etc. and well that was that.

The next day a brother who didn't speak in tongues was so excited for me and was asking me how it felt and everything. I didn't quite know what to say because well, I didn't feel anything. I was in the flesh plain and simple. But I forced myself past this because I didn't want to question or doubt what God was doing. Plus it was the last day, and I didn't want to feel like I had been feeling the other couple of days during the week.

So the last day was pretty relaxed in which we did go downtown to the Underground mall in ATL and witnessed for the only time that whole week. We also went out to eat which was good fellowship.

The next day when we are to depart, everything is running cool. We have a little praise session in which we danced and had fun. We hit the road and I'm in the car with one of my good brothers in Christ and two of my sisters in Christ. Other parts of the group were in two other vans.

So during the drive back to VA, in our car we were just talking and listening to music. We make our first stop and hear that everyone in the other two vans have been praying in tongues for the whole time.

Again, I find myself asking...for what? What is this accomplishing? Nine people in a van, speaking in tongues, with no interpretor, can't understand each other, no unbelievers in sight to spread the gospel to...why are we doing this?

We are then admonished to do the same thing in our car. I didn't feel right about it but everybody else was so hyped up so once again, I move past the check in my spirit and begin speaking in the syllables I remembered from the night before. So again this continues for the whole trip when as we're approaching Virginia, my friend who is driving the car says "be quiet be quiet!! you hear that?!"

I'm like no. And then he was like "don't you hear the angels singing?". Again, I'm like no. The two sisters in the back don't hear anything either until after my friend admonishes us to continue to be silent, one of them says "oh yeah I hear them!!" I STILL can't hear anything. Then the other sister starts hearing as well. I'm still sitting there dumbfounded as I can't hear anything. They ask me if I hear the angels singing and I say "No". And they say "ahh you hear them, you hear them, you just don't know it".

Now, did they hear something? I don't know. Are there angels around us? I'd say so. I've heard stories of people seeing and hearing angels. But again, I feel that something is wrong with me because this is the second time I have not heard the angels that have supposedly come into our presence during this trip.

So we get back to the church, and I'm back down again on my faith and just in a funk again. Since this was the day before dorms opened back up, a lot of us spent the night in the church. I just felt miserable laying on the seats trying to go to sleep. I was thinking what was accomplished during this trip in my life? I didn't seem to grow at all, but everybody else seemed to have grown substantially. I now could never feel comfortable around the couple that led the trip especially after one of them said that they could sense anything without faith or with sin within a two mile radius or something like that. Me being immature in my faith subconsciously had me put them on the level of God in the sense that whenever I'd be around them, I'd be sure I wasn't thinking anything bad or I made sure that I had my faith up to par around them. Not saying that was their intention, but that was the effect it had on me.

When these leaders came back to the church right at the end of school in which I had intended to stay in one of the ministry houses over the summer as showing that I was dedicated to staying apart of the ministry (even without a job so I could pay rent), it was at a time in which our pastor had declared "War" on the enemy and that we would begin three days of prayer and fasting. I have no problem with prayer and I have no problem with fasting, but again this notion of warring with the enemy on unbiblical terms (Ephesians 6 tells us how to do this and this will be another aspect of my story for a later time)

Anyways, this couple had come back for these three days and I had just talked with my pastor that day that I had changed my mind on staying. I realized it wasn't smart to just leap out on faith on something that God has not commanded and that I would be going back home the next day to work and save up money to come back when I'm more prepared. He said ok, but try to wait until a week later after Sunday when he would be officially declaring war on the enemy. I said ok. So that night, there is prayer at the church and I head down there with the brother I was staying at the house with.

We get there and there is worship going on led by the couple from Atlanta. Worship then stops and the guy goes into how we need to pray for revival in this country, etc. He also goes into the Todd Bentley "revival" and how God was moving down there with gold fillings and everything. I already had my notions about Lakeland and this immediately produced another check in my spirit. And I mean these feeling or "checks" are like the worst feelings ever. I can't even explain them, and I'm being dead serious. So after a little more worship in which I already had to go to the back to the bathroom just to get out of the room, I come back and one of them says ok we're going to pray in tongues until 8 am.


That was my immediate reaction and he knew some people would look at this like he was crazy but he assured us that God was going to move. So then everybody seems to be calm and he admonishes everybody who can speak in tongues to begin to do so. Obviously that included me since I spoke in "tongues" at the missions trip, although I still felt wrong when I did it. So everybody who can speak in tongues, does so while everybody else gets into this loud prayer mode. Oh yeah we are also holding hands and again this feeling of something is NOT right here. It was the worst ever. Thankfully, the brother I rode with had to be at work the next morning and we had to go back.

When we got back, he went to bed and I lay in my room and I was like "I'm outta here tomorrow". What I had experienced just before had so messed with my spirit, that I was just gonna tell my pastor that I had to go back home the next day to take care of some things and I couldn't wait another week. Here's the funny thing though, I realized I didn't have my cell phone. I had left it at the church so I had to go back and get it!! I quickly went back and got my phone and quickly left. They were still praying in tongues, but just walking around the church now.

The next day I woke up early, packed up all my stuff in less than a half hour, and drove back to Detroit...where my journey into the Word of God leading me up to where I am now began. I didn't tell anyone but the Pastor and the girl that I was courting.

To be continued...

1 comment:

Nathan Alterton said...

Again, thanks for sharing. BTW, I appreciate that you're not providing names or other personal information; gossip within the Christian is a huge problem. A great Bible teacher I love has said that if you're not part of the problem, or part of the solution, then what you're hearing is gossip and it does no one any good to make you privy to it.

I think those "checks in your spirit" are right on. Anytime you get that feeling, tread lightly! You will never do any damage to yourself by being cautious and careful, you can always jump into whatever it is later once you've checked it out. But jumping right in to bad situations (or bad doctrine) can really screw you up.